Transformers: Age of Extinction is a 2014 action film based on the original Transformers franchise. It is the fourth installment of the live-action Transformers film series, and is once more directed by Michael Bay with a screenplay by Ehren Kruger - a combination that once more fails to produce anything good. Peter Cullen reprises his infamous role as the voice of Optimus Prime, with Mark Wahlberg taking Shia Labeouf's place as the new main character. The film also stars supporting characters played by Stanley Tucci and Kelsey Grammar - and it also features some pointless, forgettable ones as well, including characters played by Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor and Titus Welliver.
The cluttered catastrophe is set five years after the events of the previous film, with an entirely new cast of humans and a mostly new cast of "Transformers". The only major returning Transformers are, like usual, Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. Ratchet returns in a cameo, but dies fairly quickly - Leadfoot returns in an even smaller cameo, and dies even quicker. Brains returns in a small, obscured role and disappears halfway through the movie, and Megatron returns as Galvatron, in a new, manmade body. It's really weird, but hey, we'll get into that! Anyhow, the film was released on June 27, 2014, and has a whopping, tremendous running time of 165 minutes! Yikes!
Because it was such a horrible movie, with an incoherent plot, lifeless characters, and terrible pacing, the movie received a rating of 18% on Rotten Tomatoes! Let's compare to the previous films: Transformers received a mixed rating of 57%, with 86% of people liking it, so it did fairly well. Revenge of the Fallen received a negative rating of 19%, with 58% of people liking it, so it didn't do as well as the first film. Dark of the Moon received a negative rating of 35%, with 56% of people liking it, so it didn't do as well as the first film, either, but was still an improvement over the second film. Age of Extinction received the lowest rating yet, with 52% of people liking it. Was it an improvement over its predecessors? Absolutely not. In no sense of the word is this film an "improvement" over anything. This piece of cinematic garbage received seven nominations at the 35th Golden Raspberry Awards, including Worst Picture and Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel. Many people praised the film's visual effects, action sequences, Steve Jablonsky's musical score, and the performances of Wahlberg, Grammer and Tucci. As usual, despite it being a horrid film, it was a box office success, grossing over $1.1 billion. It was the highest-grossing film of 2014 and one of the highest grossing films of all time.
If you like this movie, great. I don't know why, but that's great. If you like it - stop reading this article. Because we're going to point out every single thing that's wrong with this movie, and show you why it is one of the worst movies of modern times. If movies idolize this one to be successful, and try and be like this film, then the future of cinema seems extremely grim.
65 million years ago, on Cretaceous Earth, a Psittacosaurus is out hunting for food. The small dinosaur finds a fish and - what? You expected an Optimus Prime narration? Well, too bad! Because what this movie wants to do is create a new atmosphere - a "semi-reboot", if you will. And its first step in doing so was ditching the typical opening Optimus Prime narrations. Why am I making such a big deal over them? Because these opening narrations helped to set up the movie itself. Remember the ones in the first three movies? They did great at giving you an idea of the story, or the background of a character, or an incident - here, we get this: so the Psittacosaurus starts to feed, but suddenly, it stops and looks up, as hundreds of alien ships enter Earth's atmosphere, piloted by the mysterious "Creators" - the creators of the Transformers. The alien ships launch dozens of strange objects across the planet, and they begin to explode - because it's a Michael Bay movie! These objects are called Seeds - Cybertronian Devices used to cyberform an area and create the material needed to build Transformers. As the Seeds detonate, they convert the landscape and the herds of panicking dinosaurs into metal, killing the dinosaurs. There's a ton of explosions, and then, the scene ends.
We then abruptly switch to millions of years later. A team of geologists are digging in the Arctic, and make an astonishing discovery - two dinosaur skeletons covered in metal! Wow! We don't know how this is possible, considering the fact that if the Seeds cyberformed the Earth, they would have cyberformed ALL of the dinosaurs on the planet. So ... why all the dinosaur fossils that have ever been found lack a think metallic coating is unknown. And, ladies and gentlemen, there's the first major problem with this movie, besides the fact that it was made. They tried to do something they thought was cool, and they didn't realize how stupid it really is. Oh, and by the way - the opening/establishing shot of the excavation lacks the point of the scene - the two cyberformed dinosaurs. Nice job, ILM. And also, jumping back a bit - you know your movie is off to a great start when the first line of dialogue in it is "Oh, sh*t". The scene ends with Darcy Tirrel arriving at an excavation site and seeing the Tyrannosaurus and Spinosaurus skeleton, both covered in metal. She claims that history is about to change. What?! Really?!
In Texas, Marky Mark's character "Cade Yeager" meets up with his pal TJ Miller ... I mean, Lucas - also known as "Lucas the Doofus" for reasons unknown - at an abandoned movie theater. There, they apparently want to salvage some parts from it or something - don't know, don't care. Before they go to the theater, TJ Miller sees two women walking down the street, to which he makes a standard Michael Bay movie sexual remark. My God, we're off to a great start! What was that? This is a "semi-reboot"? Anyway, there, they meet up with an old crazy guy and his "son", I believe - who looks a heck of a lot like this movie's screenwriter, Ehren Kruger, with a cowboy hat. No wonder this scene turned out so horrible - he was probably in the middle of the action to supervise it! There's a moment in this scene where the old guy tells Marky Mark and TJ Miller - we will refer to them as that, if you don't mind - that all movies nowadays are prequels, sequels, remakes - why he says this, I honestly don't know. Because here, ladies and gentlemen, you have a film that is the fourth installment in its series proclaiming that "all movies nowadays are prequels, sequels, and remakes", when in reality not only is it a sequel, but it's also absolute garbage. So this old guy was essentially pointing out what cinema is like today, while also saying something very negative about the film itself. This was probably what made you leave the theater if you did so early on. Hope you demanded your money back - you deserved it. Shortly afterwards, the old guy makes standard Michael Bay movie sexual remark number three - thankfully, I can't remember what it was off the top of my head. Cowboy Kruger then states that he's going to poison his oatmeal, and that's standard Michael Bay movie poor humor. It's not funny, it's stupid - it's disturbing, actually.
Oh, my word, that paragraph is big! I better finish this scene up. So Marky Mark, TJ Miller and Cowboy Kruger go into the abandoned theater. They share some dialogue, and then Marky Mark finds a football and throws it to TJ Miller, who is hit right in the face by it. He then falls to the ground, obtains the football, throws it at Marky Mark - and it richochets off one of the seats. You know, as I watched this scene go by, it was really strange. Why, you may ask? Because not only is it more poor humor - it's just not funny. At all. A kid would probably laugh at this. Ha ha ha! He got hit in the face with a football! And when it threw it back, his shot was horrible! This brief sequence was absolutely unnecessary, and one of the many reasons as to why this movie's running time is so big. Anyway, Marky Mark then realizes that there's an old rusted truck sitting in the theater - wait, WHAT?! There's a truck in the theater?! How are you going to react to this, Marky Mark? Oh, you're not going to acknowledge it? Okay! So Marky Mark opens the truck's door - and mortar shells fall out! "Mortar shells? What the hell happened to you?", he questions. Well, what do you think of this, Marky Mark? Oh, you're not going to acknowledge it? Okay!!! So Marky Mark asks Cowboy Kruger, "Hey snakeballs! How much for the truck"? And he responds, "Truck?" And ... scene! Done! WHAT?! You're not going to be the least bit suspicious that there's a truck in an abandoned movie theater? How would you expect it to get in there? Better yet, jumping ahead a bit - since the truck is Optimus Prime - how did he get in there?!
We then switch to our main female eye candy character, Tessa Yeager - Marky Mark's daughter - played by Nicola Peltz, one of the main actresses in The Last Airbender. Yeah, remember that movie? Tessa and her friends have this really brief conversation with some very corny dialogue, and then she departs as they drive off. Tessa then finds out that she was rejected from her college, or something - I honestly can't care considering this is the only time something like this is ever mentioned.
The Age of the Transformers is Over - A Dreadful PremiseEdit
In a secret CIA room with lots of TV screens, CIA agent Harold Attinger - played by Kelsey Grammer - has a meeting with a whole bunch of other CIA operatives. They are discussing the "Battle of Chicago", also known as the final battle of Dark of the Moon. Seriously? The "Battle of Chicago"? Guys, I made a movie called Jurassic Shark II - the final battle of that movie was called the "Retribution Incident". Yes, it sounds corny, it's a big regret of mine to call the incident that - but the "Battle of Chicago" just sounds really plad. Imagine of one of these movies took place in Gettysburg - the "Battle of Gettysburg" ... oh, wait - anyway, the operatives are watching this news video whose purpose is essentially just to tell you what the heck happened to the Autobots. I quote, "a swift act of Congress put an end to all joint operations between the military and the Autobots". This means that N.E.S.T - the military faction that allied with the Autobots to hunt down Decepticons in the previous two movies - is toast. You know, it's not like they didn't do their job - no, seriously, what did they ever do wrong?! Okay, here's a huge problem with this movie: so in Dark of the Moon, the Decepticons pretty much destroyed Chicago. Remember that - the Autobots did not destroy Chicago. They tried to stop the ones who were destroying it. So this series' incompetent government destroys any and all alliances with the Autobots, because of the "damage they caused to Chicago". Well, here's the problem: they didn't cause any damage to Chicago! They tried to stop it, and nobody realizes that! Truthfully speaking, I doubt anyone was there to see what they did - but don't people realize that the only reason the Decepticon threat was annihilated was because of the Autobots? What's gonna' happen if another fleet of Decepticon ships come to Earth? Will you request that the Autobots come back into the action? Well, too bad if that's their plan - because the Autobots have gone into hiding.
Anyway, back to the scene - so Kelsey Grammer says that they can't allow the Autobots to fight their battles for them anymore. I mean, you guys had an alliance - maybe they took control of some situations, but still, they've saved humanity from destruction on multiple occasions - but hey, you seem smart. Keep talking. Kelsey then states that the remaining Autobots have been given sanctuary, while fewer than a dozen Decepticons are "still on the run ... thanks to our CIA unit, Cemetery Wind". Cemetery Wind, for those of you who don't know, is the "rogue CIA unit", from my perspective, estasked with hunting down the remaining Transformers on Earth. Yes, I said "Transformers" - as in the entire race. That includes the Autobots. You may be thinking, "But the Autobots have helped the humans fight the Decepticons! Why are they being hun - " - they don't care. The way humanity sees it, ALL Transformers are bad, regardless of affiliation. So, what's happened to the Autobots, you may ask? Well, by the time this conversation is occuring, 60% of the Autobots still living at the end of Dark of the Moon - that's six out of ten Autobots - are most likely to be dead. Leadfoot (who we later see being killed in some archival footage), Topspin, Roadbuster, Sideswipe, Mirage, and Wheelie. These characters all fought in the "Battle of Chicago" to protect humanity, and in return, they receive death. I can't put it any other way, can you? As of this meeting, the only surviving Autobots from the previous three films are Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ratchet and Brains. Yes - Brains is alive. I kid you not, of all the characters we were introduced to, Brains is still alive.
Kelsey Grammer then looks to one of the many TV screens, which displays footage of careless people handling Transformer technology, such as part of a Decepticon drone ship, as they try and move it with a pickup truck to no avail. The point of this? To set up a subplot about how ordinary people have aquired Transformer technology, possibly for bad intentions. Grammer mentions that the "Israelis may have gotten their hands on a couple of ships ... apparently the Russians have started a bidding war". Alright, alright - this looks interesting. A subplot about people getting ahold of Transformer technology. So what does this concept lead into? NOTHING. No, seriously - NOTHING. This whole subplot of people with Transformer technology is never acknowledged again for the rest of the movie. Is it going to be acknowledged in a future film? Let me ask you this - does this movie make me want to see that future film? The scene ends with everyone in the room looking at Grammer - and not the footage, for some reason - to which he proclaims, "A new era has begun. And the age of the Transformers ... is over". And the scene ends there.
Take note that this scene took up a little over a minute of the movie, and I wrote three more heaping paragraphs about what's wrong with it.